You + me = shift of priorities?

This can't possibly come as a surprise to anyone. I know you've all either seen it or experienced it because I have seen it and experienced it: two people in love and completely letting themselves go! I see it everywhere I look. In my friendships, in my clients within the health and fitness industry, in families, in strangers, everywhere! We settle down with love and the weight starts to pile on. Why does this happen? Or better yet, why do we allow this to happen? 

Meet Chae, circa 2008. This was me at the peak of my weight loss. I was 185lb (115 down from 300) and I was focused on cleaning up my diet and exercising regularly. I went running every weekend, religiously, and rode my bike to school. I walked a lot because I lived in San Francisco and relied mostly on public transportation. I was single and definitely liked to party! 

Chae, fall 2008

Meet Miki, circa 2007. Weighing in at 115lb and working on self-healing after coming out of a seven year relationship that left her broken and angry. She rode her bike to and from work every day and partied every night. She loved to be outdoors, painted whenever she could, and valued time spent with her friends.

Miki, summer 2007

Miki and I met in January 2009. It was definitely a fairy-tale kind of love, and it was beautiful. I was happy, she was happy, we were happy. We had so much in common while our opposing personalities and character kept us both in check. One passion we shared was food. We both LOVED to eat quality, delicious, top-of-the-line food. So, when we first met, we started dining out on the regular. And with dining out, comes alcohol too. We dined out multiple times per week and after dinner (or during), usually headed to a local bar or club for drinks and dancing. It was heaven on Earth for me! I had drastically cut back on dining out because it played a huge role in me reaching my max weight of 300lb. So, to indulge in and be treated to all of my favorite foods again was amazing. Plus, we were in love and celebrating our love so it didn't matter, right? 

Fast forward about 9 months. Love still going strong, still eating good, still partying on the regular...aaaaand we started ballooning. Both of us were gaining weight but neither of us said anything about it. We both came from a background of depression, body image issues, and problems with self-love and acceptance so there was no way in hell I was going to say anything to her about what was happening, and she felt the same (although at that time I didn't know it). Plus, when you're in love, you don't notice those things right? That's bullshit. People SAY those things don't matter but they do. And people SAY they don't see them in others but they do. Who are we trying to fool? I didn't love her any less but did I notice she was gaining weight? Yes. Did I think it was a problem? Yes, for many reasons but mostly because I saw how uncomfortable she was becoming in her own skin. And I was heading in the same direction. Back to the dark place I had worked so hard to get away from. 

September 2009, at least we both LOVED to be active! 

October 2009

By the time our 1 year anniversary had come, Miki was the heaviest she had ever been (130lb) and had gained 15lb. I wasn't anywhere near my max weight but I was on my way there again. I had also gained 15lb brining me just under 200. We were partying all the time, still dining out at least once a week but I had began cooking at home a lot too. Now, just because you eat at home, does NOT mean you're eating healthy. I cooked a lot of fried rice and pasta dishes because those were Miki's favorites and I wanted to make her happy. We were both tired all the time, unhappy with our bodies, hated our jobs, and loved to indulge in rich food to drown those realities. I was shocked I had let myself get to that point again. But I take full responsibility for it. I never stopped to check in with myself to make sure I was still following the lifestyle I wanted to follow. I still had a life even though I was in a committed relationship, but I lost sight of that. I was "blinded by love."

January 2010

February 2010

June 2010, us at the peak of our unhealthy lives together

In 2011, we both decided that enough was enough. That year was a year of MAJOR change for the both of us as individuals and as partners. Miki quit smoking (we're celebrating her 2 year anniversary next month!), got her weight back down to 115lb, and began the process of quitting her typical-American-office-cubicle-corporate job to pursue a full time professional career in photography. I started cleaning up our diets, joined the health & fitness industry as a certified personal trainer, and lost an additional 25lb on top of the 15 I had gained back in the previous 2 years bringing me down to a lean and healthy (for my frame) 160lb. These changes did not come easy. Miki was very reluctant and took it very personally when I expressed to her my concerns and my plan. She hated that I started buying brown rice to replace the white, whole grain bread instead of white, tomato sauce instead of Alfredo, and rice cakes instead of Cheetos. I stopped buying her beloved Coca-Cola and told her if she wanted to drink soda she would have to purchase it on her own (knowing full and well she wouldn't have time to grocery shop since she commuted to the city everyday and worked all weekend). I told her often how much I hated that she was a smoker and that we drank and dined out so often. I came clean about being unhappy with my physical state (and hers) and the way we lived our lives together. At first, I didn't do a good job of relaying this information to her. Since she wasn't on board, I was angry and expressed that anger with personal attacks. I wasn't loving or supportive about it but instead would say things like "smoking is disgusting, your breath stinks!" As time went on, I learned to express my feelings to her in a different way. I told her that I wanted us to be healthy and happy, together. I wanted to have a family with her but couldn't imagine bringing a child into the world with parents who had the habits that we did. I wanted her to live a long life with me and I didn't want to worry about a future of liver disease and lung cancer. Eventually, she was able to admit that to herself as well. Ever since then, we have been UNSTOPPABLE.

September 2011

Now, Miki and I look back on these old photos of us in utter disbelief. Fortunately for us, our situation didn't stay out of control for too long. We were able to snap back to reality and turn our lives around for the better within a year. For many others, it doesn't happen that quickly or at all. I know couples that have been together for years and are 20, 30, and even 40+ lb heavier than when they first met and they pretend like there's nothing wrong with that. So long as both of you continue to keep your mouths shut about it, the problem will persist. Check in with yourself and find out how you really feel about where you are at in the physical sense. And do the same with your inner self as well. If you're not happy with either, do something about it. If you're scared to speak up and let your partner know, I promise you it's all so much easier when you have the support of the person who loves you most. If you don't have their support, you don't need them in your life. Period. This is your life, your body, your health, and your happiness. Anyone who stands in the way of you living, looking, feeling, and thriving the way you deserve to needs to be knocked out of the f*cking way! 

Miki & Chae, present day