BEASTIN' & FEASTIN' Days 11-14: R-E-L-A-X

I just finished a really great book about self-fulfillment and the power of the SELF. It's called Psychocybernetics by Maxwell Maltz and I HIGHLY recommend it. Anyways, all throughout the book I felt like I could have been the author. He talked about concepts that I am very familiar with and methods that I use everyday; tools I often pass on to my own clients. It was an empowering read and left me feeling good about everything I've been doing to better myself and my life. It gave me reassurance that I'm going about it in an efficient, positive, and healthy way. One topic Maltz highlighted that is one thing I continue to struggle with is RELAXATION  Crazy, right?! Who can't relax? Well according to him, most of us! It's actually extremely difficult for us to completely shut down and be present in a quiet, neutral, calm space. We think about the day, we think about yesterday, we think about tomorrow, we dwell on mistakes, we worry about money, etc. Now I don't actually worry or dwell but I do think A LOT about what I could be doing (like, mental planning) or what I need to do. My morning routine includes reading one chapter from which ever book I'm reading. Sounds simple but it's difficult for me because my mind wanders and I have to actively WORK to bring it back! But, practice makes perfect! 

I spent a lot of time by myself this weekend, I so needed that! It's very helpful and definitely something I need to make sure I continue to do. I LOVE being outside! 

Physically, relaxation is difficult for me too! I am kind of obsessed with exercising. I LIVE in BEAST mode and I can't say I'm mad about that. I take days off, but find myself yearning on those days. I feel like I just HAVE to do something. And I do, but I need to do something different. I'm thinking yoga, massage therapy (again, I was doing this for awhile but it ain't cheap), or Tai Chi. I gotta change my pace up and make down time a larger priority. So, I am! :)

Ok, on to the feastin'! 

Beet greens and bacon...bacon cures ALL!

Smokin' em!

No powder protein smoothie...30g total! Recipe will be featured in my Ebook!  

Chicken garam masala...from scratch! 

Another protein smoothie, this one 22g.

Paleo stuffed bell peppers with cauliflower rice and lean, grass-fed, ground beef. SO AMAZING, I ate FOUR! :)
Recipe going in the Ebook as well.

BEASTIN' & FEASTIN' Days 9-10: Pain brings change!

I've been in a perpetual state of soreness for over 2 weeks now. I totally missed having a mentor/coach/trainer in my life, and I can't believe I went that long without one. I met my first trainer in 2009 and I loved how hard he pushed me. I loved that he didn't allow me to make excuses for slacking off and he always made sure the workouts were challenging, but fun. Which isn't difficult to do with me because I consider any challenge to be fun! I learned so much about myself then. And I trusted and looked up to my trainer. So much, that I wanted to have that same role in other peoples lives. So, I became a trainer as well! I LOVED it! It was the most rewarding thing in the world to me. I love playing such a large part in the transformation of a life. I know how difficult it is and having a positive role model is so important!

I worked with him for about 6 months and then I ventured off on my own. I hit several plateaus but was always able to overcome them by applying everything I had learned. It was HARD work. I never quit. But when I hit my final plateau, I tried everything to get over it but nearly shot me down. Nothing worked, my body was totally complacent. The mental struggle was tougher than the physical. I have overcome a LOT of internal pain, so to be cast back into that dark place was not an option.  I was 180lb, 28% body fat, and constantly bloated. Not where I wanted to be, and far from where I knew I could be. It was then that I started digging deeper into my diet. I had been fooled the whole time thinking that whole wheat bread, Greek yogurt, and tofu were good for me. Just because that was the latest craze. I trusted it. And everything I read about it made sense. Brown rice over white rice, smart balance over butter, juicing, low calorie intake, etc. But my body needed something else so I tried a 30-Day Paleo challenge. Voila. Here I am 15 months later at 22% body fat and 160lb. Never in my life did I imagine I could look and feel this amazing! The way I eat now is a match made in heaven for my body. No joke. I love meat. I love fat. I LOVE vegetables. That's it and that's all I need.

On to the latest change, adding CrossFit to my life. In previous blogs I talked about why I didn't want to be about that life. And now, I can't imagine life without it. I am officially obsessed. I look forward to it everyday!! It feels like my body was made for it. And joining Hercules CrossFit was probably the best decision I have made all year. I love the coaches, I love the culture, I love my new friends. I love healthy competition and this is such a great place for that. People are happy there. So you can't help but be happy too! It's hard as hell and I'm hurtin' in ways I've never hurt before but my body is grateful for it and I'm grateful for my body. I heard someone in class today come back from a run and say "I hate running, it hurts!" My response? "Be grateful you CAN run, and be grateful you can FEEL the pain!"

My body is battered and bruised...everywhere! But she's also happy! 

Ginger sesame rockfish over cauliflower rice....SO GOOD!

My mother would appreciate that I now eat the core of the pineapple. It's my favorite part! Hello fiber!

Been eatin' so good lately! Bacon wrapped chicken thighs with grilled veggies and homemade cilantro mayo. MMM!!

Cauliflower rice is so easy and versatile! I love it with veggies and spicy chicken sausage under two runny eggs! 

Post-WOD. My baby was grilling and I couldn't wait...I was RAVENOUS! 

I love meat, and I'm not apologizing for it! 

BEASTIN' & FEASTIN' Days 7-8: Find success in every "failure"!

Are you ready to learn the key to everlasting success and happiness? Alright, here it is: stop FAILING!

I don't believe in failure. The word itself bears such a negative burden that I never use it to describe myself in any way. Mistakes? Sure, I make those all the time. But, there's a big difference. When you say you have "failed" it means you were unsuccessful or lacking in some way. You fell to the bottom and have to start over. No way. When you've made a mistake, you analyze it, learn from it, and pick up just where you left off. No starting over, none of that "back to square one" bullshit. I don't fail, I move forward. Always.

If you worry about failing, you will fail. Repeatedly. That's the name of the game. Put that negative energy towards building yourself up and reminding yourself:

1. where you've come from
2. where you're going
3. who you were
4. who you are
5. who you want to be

Always end on that last one. Let it marinate and stew for awhile. Imagine yourself there already. You have achieved your career goal, your personal goal, your relationship goal, your ultimate life goal. Imagine it. Close your eyes and see it. Now ask yourself why that can't be your reality? Go ahead, ask!

Is it because you're afraid? You don't feel like you deserve it? You're not good enough? You're not ready? You don't have enough support? You're uninspired? Or, did you not come up with a reason? BINGO! Because there isn't one. Not a single one.

Ok, back to the food and such. This blog is turning into Self Love 101! 

Partnered "Angie" on Sunday. I like working in groups and pairs but only when the person I'm working with can turn it up like me...otherwise, I find it a little frustrating! 

Smashed carrots with lamb leg steaks and cauliflower rice with kale. Easily the most amazing meal I've had in awhile. I love lamb! 

Steamed broccolini, pan seared pork chops with caramelized onions and mushroom, and a side of cauliflower rice with shredded carrots. 

I started the week with a HUGE bowl of this in my fridge. My post-workout go to. Tuna and egg salad with arugula, carrots, and avocado. Homemade mayo makes it SO GOOD! 

In terms of the feastin' I've got my calorie intake up and steady. It only took about 2 weeks and my appetite is now so monstrous I swear it sometimes interferes with my day! Haha. In fact, I'm hungry right now. As for the beastin'...so what I'm noticing is that my body is so used to working out a certain way that I'm having trouble with some of the technicalities in CrossFit. My cardio game is on point. I can double under all day if I needed to. And run for hours. Bodyweight exercises are cake for me too. Give me a rope, I'll climb it. Put a box in front of me, I'll jump it. BUT...put a barbell in my hands and all of a sudden my body becomes confused and starts fighting with my head. Cleans are challenging for me. It's like my arms want to do all the work even though my mind knows what the correct form looks and feels like. I get tight all over and it seems like certain muscle groups just want to shut off completely. I'm hesitating and I don't know why. What I do know is that I have to be more patient with myself. It's going to take practice and I understand that. It's just that this is all so new and exciting that sometimes this feels like a setback even though I know it's not. I can't be great at EVERYTHING, nor do I strive for that. I set goals based on what's important to me and I work towards them. So look out CLEANS...I'm coming for you! 

BEASTIN' & FEASTIN' Days 5-6: The Power of Routine!

Today marks the end of "Week 1" and I feel amazing. More amazing than before if you can believe that's possible. Life just keeps getting more and more AMAZING! :)

I have incorporated a couple of SIMPLE new routines into my day to help me stay focused and get the most out of my time. I find that I'm a multi-tasker and I KNOW that's not an efficient way of thinking. I've been decluttering in every sense of the word: mental housekeeping, cleaning out my closet, clearing the garage so I have more workspace, getting rid of excess "things" like our extra refrigerator and microwave that we rarely use, etc. Lots and lots of clearing the way for better things.

This is what my morning routine looks like: 

• stretch
• read one chapter in the sun (on my favorite spot on the couch) 
• 2 cups of tea
• daily goals

This is what my evening routine looks like: 

• prepare for morning
• self affirmations/meditation
• cuddle time

The time in between I focus on the daily goals I define for myself each morning by selecting my top three most important tasks for my long list of things to do. This routine has brought so much clarity and organization to my madness I can't imagine how I thought my chaotic methods were working before! I'm getting through all the books I have had stacked up in my office, I'm spending more quality time with myself and my partner, my house stays clean, my workspace is clear, my fridge is brimming with prepared foods and planned meals, my cat is happier, I feel so much more at ease, and I'm actually GETTING SHIT DONE instead of just thinking I am. 

Lunch at Rudy's Can't Fail Cafe on Friday. I ate some of those corn crisp strips and they tasted so good! Sucks that I was burping corn like crazy 4 hours later as my body STRUGGLED to digest the corn. I was feeling it all night. Too bad... 

My baby made me breakfast post-workout Saturday morning! Chicken sausage with red kale, red onions, mushrooms and over easy eggs all cooked in home-rendered pork fat...my FAVE!!!

Saturday Pinole Farmer's Market haul. I'm gonna make a huge batch of cauliflower rice, can't wait!!

My meals have been quick and dirty lately. Just the way I like it. Lunch on Saturday: leftover turkey and veggie pasta sauce with avocado. So easy, so nutritious, and so DELISH!

Just thought I'd throw this in here since I came up it a couple of days ago. This photo is from 2003, and that's me on the far right. I was a size 18 and weighed about 300lb. Apparently I "carried the weight well"...people say such stupid things in an attempt to comfort larger people...

BEASTIN' & FEASTIN' Days 3-4: My breasts don't make me a woman...

It's quite amazing to see your own body transform before your very eyes. I've seen my body grow, shrink, loosen, tighten, stretch, compress, hang, lift, and shift. And while I used to wear a size 40DD, I'm now at a point where I can walk around in a tank top with no bra and be completely comfortable. Ask me if I'm mad about this...it's SUCH a freeing feeling. I love it. My breasts used to cause me so much discomfort and be the focal point of too many instances of sexual harassment. I still embraced them though, because they were mine and part of me. And in fact, I LOVED being large-chested. It was fun! ;)

The results of beastin' and feastin' have literally been immediate. My pants all fit differently; they are loose in the waist and tight on the thighs and hips...a problem I have never had before. My t-shirts are tighter at the sleeves. Hell, even my underwear are feeling too small. This ain't no joke. My partner says she can see I am definitely slimmer and more defined. I feel like I can FEEL my muscles now. Like, I can feel my biceps when my arms are resting at my sides. I feel my glutes when I sit and stand. I feel my hamstrings when I walk. I feel my traps when I reach for a glass in the cabinet. I FEEL my body in such a different, new, and exciting way! I can't explain how amazing it is. But you want to know the craziest thing about it? I feel more like a woman now than I ever have before. And I know it's because my body confidence is through the roof. When I was larger, I was "comforted" by comments like "Oh you're a size 18? Well the average woman wears a 12-14 so it's not like you're that much bigger" and "I'm so jealous of your big boobs, mine are so small, you get all the attention from guys" or "Be proud of your size, women are supposed to have extra meat on their bones."  But none of that mattered because I HATED my body. And here's the thing: I don't care how large the average woman is in her waist, chest, or ass. There is NOTHING average about me, and I embrace that every day. I also don't think there is a certain way women are "supposed to be"...what about those women who develop a slender body frame without a defined waist.  They don't have curves; does that make them less of a woman? Is a woman who stands 5'7" and weighs 140lb less of a woman than another of the same height weighing 240lb? I love my new body. I love being able to out-lift grown MEN in my gym. I love being toned. I love my curves. I love my slim waist and thick thighs. I love my butt. I love my long, strong legs. I love my arms. I love that my abdominal muscles are showing. I love my little breasts (which USED to be a little on the saggier side after I lost a lot of weight but now they are perkier than I could have ever dreamed because of my developed chest muscles). I love my body and I love being a strong, sexy woman. Period.

On to the meat and (sweet) potatoes!

I love my new gym! I am literally battered and bruised to no end but out-shining everyone in my class is so rewarding to me. I'm a HUGE fan of healthy competition. Working out with others is the biggest motivator for me!

My appetite is growing like wildfire! I am SO hungry during the day now. I'm averaging over 600cal per meal and loving it! I feel so energized and nourished. My skin is GLOWING!!

My first watermelon of the season. Holy crap it was so good! Perfect after-workout recovery food!!

4th of July breakfast. I didn't eat crap this day, why would I? I'm celebrating my freedom to live a happy, healthy life!

Meal planning and prepping for the week included 2lb of turkey tomato sauce packed with veggies. I'm on a collard green kick right now, I put it in EVERYTHING!

My favorite thing to do, help others gain kitchen confidence! Rose was fascinated by my sweet potato lasagne so I showed her how to make it! 

BEASTIN' & FEASTIN' Days 1-2: Power cleans, burpees, and bacon OH MY!

So yesterday I started training at a new gym, Hercules CrossFit. Now, I'm gonna be honest...I've kind of been avoiding jumping on the CF wagon for several reasons. The main one: it's costly. But now that I've got my grocery budget steady around $400/month for TWO PEOPLE, I have cleared the way to continue splurging on my body. Oh, in case you missed it, check out my blog from a few weeks ago about how I keep my grocery bills so low and still eat local, organic, sustainable, clean foods!

The second I walked into HCF, I fell in love. It's clean, doesn't stink, the groups are small, you get individualized attention, it's welcoming, the music is BUMPIN' and always hip-hop (mega SCORE!), and everyone is friendly and encouraging. It's a perfect set-up for someone who wants to learn CF or who may be intimidated by it (which is very common).

Truth is, I love CF! But from my experience joining classes or doing trial memberships at a few places around the Bay I sensed a bit of an elitist attitude and that really turned me off. It was like a cult, a cult of "superior eating and training Gods and Goddesses." I did NOT like it. So, I let it simmer for awhile; learned the basics on my own and started incorporating them into my workouts. I noticed a difference right away. My body leaned out, my muscles grew, my endurance was phenomenal...I felt light, fast, and powerful for the first time in my life. Straight up athlete status! That was about 3 years ago. My body slowly transformed over that time and with it, my diet.

First time rope climbing in my life...and I made it up to and over that green mark. I could have gone all the way up! 

When I started my weight loss journey about 6 years ago, I quickly learned that carbs were the enemy. Soda was the first thing to go. Then, I slowly started changing my habits. Exercising more, cooking at home more, learning about food and nutrition, dining out less, and eating more fruits and vegetables. I didn't do that all at once. I started small. Slow and steady. That's what leads to sustainable change. So, this idea about carbs is now pretty much ingrained in me. And ever since "cleaning" up my diet last year, my carb intake dropped even more significantly. However, now that my goal has shifted from weight loss, to weight gain, I have to reestablish my relationship with carbs. I need more of them, a lot more. And it's really messing with my head!

Just like with all the goals I set for myself, I'm starting small. Increasing my intake by about 100 calories  per week. Eating more is HARD, especially while maintaining my clean diet, and doubly hard after I've introduced intermittent fasting into my life. I simply cannot eat 3,000 cal in 8 hours or less. I have, however, found a few ways to get my intake up that don't require me gorging on burritos, rice, or protein powder shakes:

• waking up earlier
• training earlier (which makes me hungrier)
• exercising more
• adding more fats to my meals
• adding more carbs to my meals
• getting more sleep

Breakfast yesterday: chocolate shake made with coconut water, chia seeds, frozen banana, and pure unsweetened cocoa powder.  and a heaping pile of kale, veggies, and spicy chicken sausage with sweet potato 

Dinner last night.

Today, I implemented a few of these ideas and it was a HUGE success. I reached my calorie consumption goal! SO exciting! I woke up at 6:30am after going to bed at 9:30pm (WOO HOO, 9 hours of sleep!), got all my work done for the day by 9am. Ate breakfast, enjoyed a strenuous (super hilly) bike ride to the gym, worked my ass off, and then rode back, a 7 mile ride in total. Had I known we were going to be doing power cleans for 20 minutes, I probably would have not rode my bike. My ass is SO sore! Like, crazy sore! 

Pre-workout!

Post-workout! 

Post workout cold tuna salad: SO GOOOOOOD!!!

Appetizer before a big dinner :)

Alright, I'm checkin' out. Gotta be up at 5am for spin class tomorrow! Woot woot! :)

 

Easy Mayo!

Did I say easy?

That's actually an understatement. This homemade mayo takes 5 minutes to make and keeps for up to 4 weeks so long as you store in a clean, airtight container and use clean utensils when dipping into it! 

What you need

• 1 egg at room temperature
• 1.5 tbs lemon juice
• 1 cup olive oil

What to do

1. Add egg and lemon juice to a food processor or immersion blender reservoir. 
2. Switch on and blend until frothy.
3. Add oil in a SLOW, thin, steady stream. 
4. Place in an airtight container and refrigerate for several hours before using. This recipe makes 18oz so make sure your container is large enough. Refrigeration allows it to cool and set. 

I use this to make egg salad, tuna salad, as a spread on my lettuce leaf sandwiches or portobello bun burgers, etc. You can even add things like mustard, Sriracha, honey, or spices to it for various flavored spreads! Have fun! :)