I woke up on a gurney being pushed into the back of an ambulance. I felt exhausted, like I had just run for hours. The EMT was asking me questions that I had no idea the answer to.
"Where are we?"
"What is today's date?"
No clue.
I laid there quiet while he poked me with a needle and continued to ask me questions I didn't care to attempt to answer. When he finally asked, "Who's the president?" I happily responded, "Obama!" and from then on I was able to, slowly, correctly answer all of his questions. I had just suffered a tonic-clonic (grand mal) seizure.
At the hospital, more poking and prodding ensued, I was given oxygen (which made me feel great!) and I learned of what had just happened to me. Suddenly I realized I tasted blood in my mouth, my tongue hurt like it's never hurt before, and my jaw felt like it was surely broken. Apparently, during my seizure, I bit so hard down on my tongue that I actually bit through it and nearly choked on my own blood and spit. If my partner Miki had not been there to catch me when I fell as I slipped into unconsciousness and turn me onto my side as my body fell victim to the violent convulsions, I might have hit my head on the way down and I most certainly would have suffocated. I owe her my life.
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| Oxygen does a brain good! |
Fast forward about an hour or so...the nurses drew blood and took a sample of my urine for testing, and did a CAT scan of my head. All test results came back normal, so I was sent home. I had to sign same crazy papers on the way out stating that the approximate charge for tonight's festivities were in the range of $8,500. I'm still in shock about that. And it doesn't even include the fun ambulance ride!
So, I took the weekend to recuperate. I felt fine, really. And I still do. Everything I heard and read led me to believe that seizures were incredibly common and just as mysterious. Nothing at the hospital alarmed the doctors and in fact, I never even saw a doctor that night. That's how "unimportant" my case was. Anyways, I rested, I rested, and I rested. Come Monday, March 4 I was back in my home office reading a magazine about to head out to work when BOOM, the universe decided she had other plans for me. I felt that same "aura" come over me like I had felt just 3 days prior and this time I moved from my seated position to the ground because I knew what was coming. Or, at least I thought I knew. I was having a seizure alright but this time it was a complex partial seizure. I could still hear and see everything as normal but I couldn't move the way I wanted to. My partner held me in her arms once again and began shouting my name out to which I could not respond. The only thing I could do was stroke her arm to let her know I was OK and that I knew she was there. My convulsions were minimal this time, and the next thing I knew there were EMTs once again surrounding me. They helped me to my feet, secured me to the gurney, and loaded me in the back of the ambulance. I felt fully alert and ready for the questions. And so they came. "What's your name?" My response: "Blah bluh blah mah..." Holy shit, I couldn't talk! All these questions that I actually knew the answer to this time and I couldn't get a single word out! I remember first feeling embarrassed, then extremely frustrated. Why was this happening to me...AGAIN?!
By the time we reached the hospital I could finally mutter one-word answers. Anything beyond that became a slur of unrecognizable sounds. It was so weird to hear myself in this state. The EMT was telling me, as he wheeled me into the ER, about how he lives Paleo with some of his co-workers one week out of each month and how much he loves it. I remember feeling so joyful to hear that. This hospital visit was very different because it was midday on a weekday instead of a 2am on a weekend. The place was packed and I actually spent some time completely exposed in the hallway waiting for a room. Surreal. People were sick all around me. Some were intoxicated, others elderly, some sleeping, and others looked fully alert and well just as I felt. A doctor came to my bedside soon after I was placed into a room with a very drunk and loud man. I guess two seizures are serious enough and deserving of a doctor's attention. She explained to me what I had just experienced and that they were going to draw more blood to run some more tests. Yaddy yaddy. I left there with a prescription from a neurologist (that I never saw) for Keppra, a recommendation to see a (different) neurologist for further testing, and another bill for $8,500. Awesome.
This whole experience has been insane to me. Now that I've had a week to process, which actually has felt more like a year, I really feel like I have a solid idea of why I had these seizures (which I'll be saving for the topic of my next blog). I feel like I understand myself better than I ever have before and I feel completely different about my life and life in general. I'm in the library reading about the brain and Eastern medicine, speaking to holistic and homeopathic doctors, and giving myself something I've been denying myself for years at the expense of others: time. Time for me, time to do what I want to do, time to live my life the way I want to and time to think, process, and decide what's best for me. This is MY life and from now on....(to be continued)...
